


Just Rewards

by Ravanne



Series: A New Direction (formerly Season Four Remix) [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Mentions of past Klaine, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Not Rachel Friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 23:06:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5473868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravanne/pseuds/Ravanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following his win at Midnight Madness, Kurt has to reevaluate things and people in his life. And deciding if keeping some are worth the costs to himself.</p><p>*Originally published on Tumblr under my other author name - Ranwing*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

Morning came much too early for Adam’s tastes and he found himself muttering a few choice curse words underneath his breath. He mentally kicked himself for not having thought to draw the blinds down before they’d finally retired. They hadn’t gotten in until very early in the morning and even then, hadn’t gone to sleep immediately.

He drowsily looked down at the warm body nestled against him and couldn’t help from smiling at the tousled head resting against his shoulder. Kurt muttered sleepily at being jostled and nestled closer, seeking out Adam’s warmth in his sleep.

It was so easily to just lay there and enjoy Kurt’ presence in his bed, the way that Kurt’s long dancer’s legs entwined with his own. He’d been very glad that his boyfriend had asked if Adam minded if he stayed over after Midnight Madness. Because however things turned out, he could completely understand Kurt just not being in a state of mind to deal with his roommate and her habitual drama.

Even though their relationship was still very much in the relatively early stages, Kurt had already spent several nights at his flat, and Adam found himself deeply missing Kurt’s presence when he wasn’t around. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he’d fallen hard for the younger man and could only hope that Kurt felt the same. But he refused to pressure Kurt into revealing his true feelings. Not with everything his boyfriend was trying to handle right then. Kurt had more than enough people making unreasonable demands on him and Adam was not going to be yet another one.

Rubbing his eyes, he checked the time on his alarm clock and was pleased that they had gotten at least some sleep. The Apples had had wanted to attend Midnight Madness in order to show support for one of their own, but Kurt had specifically requested that they not attend the competition. Not that he didn’t want or appreciate their support, but he insisted that he wanted the contest with Rachel to be decided fairly and arriving with twenty or so of his friends would more than skew the results. He didn’t want any questions about favoritism to taint the results and except for Adam, had no one in attendance that might be specifically biased in his favor.

The Apples weren’t happy, wanting to be there to support one of their own in such a high stakes match but they understood Kurt’s feelings and didn’t want to make this harder for him. Instead, as a group they decided to wait at a nearby bar, prepared for a celebration or a wake depending on the outcome.

Adam felt himself frowning. It was a lot more consideration than the girl deserved, he thought uncharitably. He knew that Kurt still considered Rachel his best friend despite the rift that had grown between them as of late, but one certainly couldn’t tell that from how she’d been treating him. And she apparently had no concerns about fairness with her sycophants in attendance to support her. Not that it did her any good in the end when they ended up favoring Kurt, but Adam could not shake off the impression of Rachel trying to give herself whatever advantage she could at Kurt’s expense.

He gently brushed Kurt’s hair off his forehead and pressed a gentle kiss there. His darling really hadn’t expected to win, but Adam knew better. He was a good judge of ability and while Rachel had enormous talent and polish, Kurt possessed an exceptional maturity to his performances that she often lacked. By good fortune, the song drawn for them all but catered to Kurt’s emotionally sincere performance manner, while Rachel focused on style and artifice.

Of course, the Apples had been delighted at the results and insisted upon several rounds of congratulatory drinks to commemorate Kurt’s epic victory. He and Kurt didn’t make it back to his flat until nearly three in the morning where they continued their own private celebration. Kurt proved again that the high notes that he was able to hit so beautifully were in no way flukes.

Thankfully, it was a Friday and neither of them had an early class scheduled, so they could enjoy a bit of leisure time before they needed to head over to the school. Adam gently disentangled himself from Kurt, being careful not to wake him so he could wash and prepare breakfast.

Kurt was roused by the scent of coffee brewing and heard Adam humming away in the kitchen. He smiled tiredly and rubbed his eyes, knowing that he really should get moving, otherwise he’d be tempted to stay in bed the rest of he day. Not that the idea was completely without merit, Kurt mused. Especially if he was able to convince a certain handsome man to join him there. Between their mutual class and work schedules, he and Adam never seemed to have enough time to be together.

He snuggled into Adam’s pillow, enjoying the comfort of his scent a bit more before forcing himself to get up. His clothes were scattered carelessly about Adam’s bedroom, here they’d been tossed aside as Adam had stripped him bare and somehow his briefs had ended up draped over the bust of Shakespeare on Adam’s bookcase.

After brushing his teeth and splashing some cool water on his face to wake him, he sought out his boyfriend. Adam was at the stove, dressed only in a pair worn sleep pants as he scrambled up some eggs and vegetables for a quick omelet. Kurt hugged him from behind and drew his face down for a kiss.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Adam greeted, smiling as Kurt cuddled against him. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Once we actually got to sleep,” Kurt chuckled. “I had a rather insistent Englishman all over me, going on about celebratory blowjobs.”

“What a coincidence! I had an absolutely stunning young American lad who made the most lovely sounds last night,” Adam commented blithely. “And not just when he was singing.”

Kurt felt his cheeks heat and gave him a soft swat on his shoulder, laughing.

“There’s coffee, and breakfast will be ready in just a tick,” Adam advised as he sprinkled some shredded cheese onto the eggs and covered the pan so that the cheese would melt.

Kurt found himself helpless to fight the warm feeling that built up in his chest for this lovely man who took such good care of him. “You didn’t have to make breakfast,” he insisted.

Adam just smiled affectionately. “We’re still in celebratory mode, so enjoy it.”

They ended up eating in the living room, cuddled up together on Adam’s ratty old sofa and watching the morning news together. Adam fed him toast smeared with butter and the thick marmalade that his mother had sent in her last care package from home, while Kurt basked in the soothing cocoon of caring that Adam wove around him. It felt both strange and wonderful since he was accustomed to caring for others. It had been so long since he allowed someone to take care of him for a change.

He didn’t want to tell Adam, but he was a bit apprehensive about what awaited him at school. And seeing Rachel again. She hadn’t spoken a single word to Kurt after their competition and left nearly immediately afterwards. And he knew well from past experience how she tended to handle any kind of loss. She was not going to forgive him any time soon. And he knew that there was a chance that some of those who had supported Rachel so strongly would hold it against him for bringing their “star” back down to Earth.

The longer they stayed there, hidden away from the world, the longer he could postpone the inevitable confrontation and consequences of his audacity.

“Don’t you have dance class this afternoon?” Adam asked, sipping at his coffee.

“Yes, and don’t ask me how I’m going to handle Ms. July after last night,” Kurt moaned, resting his head against Adam’s shoulder. “There is not enough caffeine in the world that’s going to make me functional today.”

“At least you get to do something physical to perk you up,” Adam mused. “I’m going to be sleepwalking through my Elizabethan Playwrights workshop.”

“Poor baby,” Kurt cooed sympathetically. “This is what happens when you let your Apples order us drinks in little test tubes.”

“All in a good cause,” Adam insisted. He collected their plates and gave Kurt a gentle kiss. “I’ll clean up while you grab a shower.”

“Oh no… I’ll clean. You cooked,” Kurt insisted, trying to take the dishes from Adam, only to be gently rebuffed.

“Ah ah… we’re still celebrating,” Adam reminded him. “The guest of honor does not do dishes.”

Kurt huffed, knowing that Adam was not going to budge in the least. “Fine,” he acquiesced. “I’ll go take a shower.

“A long, hot, steamy shower… and if someone gets the dishes done quickly, he might get here in time to join me,” he said teasingly, trailing a fingertip over Adam’s bare, broad shoulder.

Adam gave Kurt a long, sly grin and warned, “Oh, I think that he will. You can count on that.”

* * *

Kurt was glad that he’d thought to pack several days worth of clothing, just in case he decided to extend his stay with Adam. A lot would depend on Rachel’s behavior when he saw her at school. Just because he didn’t like to shy away from confrontations didn’t mean that he felt inclined to live in an active war zone. It didn’t hurt to be prepared for any possible eventuality.

He studied the very noticeable love bite that Adam had left right below his left ear and sighed with fond exasperation. Adam did have a tendency to use him for a chew toy after a few drinks, but he normally kept his markings where they could be hidden by clothing. This mark was a lot more prominent and not in place where an artfully draped scarf would hide it. And it as dark enough that with his complexion, would show right through any concealer.

It wasn’t like he didn’t give Adam back as good as he got. Adam’s body bore a scattering of bite marks and hickeys that were sure to be noticed if Adam stripped off his shirt. Their fellow Apples were sure to give them both a good ribbing when they saw what he and Adam had done to one another.

Oh well… if he couldn’t hide it, he might as well flaunt it. He pulled on his grey sweater and deliberately left the collar unbuttoned to draw attention to his throat. A quick mist of hairspray and he figured that he was prepared to face whatever was waiting for him.

They took a leisurely walk to school, the weather just warm enough to be comfortable without their heavy winter gear. Adam lived close enough that they could skip the subway and enjoy the crisp early spring weather. Kurt had shoved his gloves into his coat pocket so that he could feel Adam’s warm hand in his, still marveling at the feeling of being able to walk hand in hand and so obviously a couple with no one looking twice.

It felt strange at times to be so at ease with Adam in a way that he’d never really managed with Blaine. Even when their relationship was at its most secure, Kurt had always felt like he constantly needed to prove that he deserved to be with Blaine. And he saw what happened on the occasions when Blaine found him lacking in some manner. Adam just seemed so content to let Kurt be himself, and encouraged him to be as fiery and dramatic as he wanted to be.

He looked up at the older man and knew that he was getting in a lot deeper a lot faster than he thought he would. It had been only a few weeks of actually dating and being a couple, and they hadn’t even really discussed exclusivity yet. But he was already thinking about how he’d introduce Adam to his father. He knew that Burt would love this cheerful, sunny man who always made Kurt feel like he could do anything at all and just delighted in seeing him do so. That kind of support without the underlying competitiveness that always existed between Blaine and himself was rather heady.

When they arrived at NYADA’s main building, Kurt fought down the feeling of apprehension that was starting to undo the calmness that Adam had so carefully coaxed out of him. He knew that Rachel had an early class that morning and it was very possible that she’d spent the past few hours complaining to anyone who’s listen about the unfairness of the contest and how awful Kurt had been to deliberately sabotage her reputation the way he did.

Adam offered a reassuring squeeze of his hand as they stepped through the doors and into the throng of other students. Kurt felt himself holding his breath, waiting to see what the response was to his arrival. Many paused at seeing Kurt and to his surprise, there were a lot of knowing smiles in his direction. Some were whispering as he passed and… was that a look of admiration from one of the upper classmen in the voice program?

As if sensing that Kurt was feeling uneasy, one of the Apples quickly stepped out of the crowd of students to rescue him. Mei arrived in a flurry of petticoats and a baby blue Victorian dress and all but threw herself into his arms. “You’re here!” she exclaimed happily. “Finally! Everyone’s been asking for you today. I was starting to worry that Adam was going to keep you locked away for himself.”

“Well, we might have made it in a little earlier if some people didn’t have an absolute fetish about feeding us little strange concoctions at the bar,” Adam chuckled.

Mei giggled. “But they were yummy, weren’t they? I thought that the sour apple ones were especially appropriate.”

“Very, my dear. But not conducive to being at all productive the following morning.”

She grinned knowingly. “Well, judging from the teeth marks you left on Kurt, I’d say you were plenty productive. All night long… all night!” she sang, swaying her hips.

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing. Few would ever guess that the girl in the Lolita getup would have such an absolutely bawdy sense of humor. Or that she was one of the best actresses in the dramatics program.

Adam pulled off his beanie and ran a hand through his hair to smooth it down. “So… what has the rumor mill been saying?”

Mei leaned in and smiled broadly. “Everyone’s been talking about last night and how La Berry finally got what was coming to her. I don’t think that there are too many people here who aren’t pleased that she finally got knocked down a few pegs.”

Adam squeezed Kurt’s shoulder and looked down at his boyfriend. “See? It’s all going to be okay.”

Kurt wasn’t quite sure if he was ready to agree just yet, not with the way that everyone was staring at him. He probably should be pleased with the admiring looks people were throwing his way, but he was admittedly overtired maybe even a bit hung over. And he wasn’t comfortable with the fact that this new admiration was coming at Rachel’s expense. Despite everything, he hadn’t wanted to hurt her and if the response to him was this overwhelming positive, he could only imagine how Rachel was being treated.

Adam dropped him off at his dance class with a gentle kiss and urged him to have a good day. He still felt somewhat disconnected and it was hard to stay focused, but he managed to make it through class without totally embarrassing himself. Kurt could feel Ms. July watching him the enter time with the intentness of a hawk, but kept her normally caustic comments to a minimum.

He was about to head to the dressing room after class when he heard her bark, “China Doll! A minute, if you don’t mind?”

He sighed, knowing that there was not going to be a quick escape today. He wondered what he’d done wrong this time.

She gestured towards the barre and guided him through some cool down exercises before she got to her real point. “So I hear you had a bit of drama with Schwimmer last night,” Cassandra observed with dark amusement.

Kurt froze, realizing what she was referring to. “I.. No! I mean..,” he stammered, but quickly withered under her knowing stare.

“Save it. It’s not like it’s some kind of big secret,” she advised him, enjoying his discomfort. “Did you really think that you idiots would get away with something if the faculty didn’t know what was going on? We let you hold you hold your little battles so things get resolved in a constructive manner.

“And I’ve got to give you credit,” she granted. “You managed to be a serious giant ego-killer. Well done. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see it myself but teachers would kind of harsh the buzz.”

“Thanks… I think,” Kurt accepted, more than a little uncomfortable with her regard on the matter. He knew full well how she and Rachel had been butting heads.

She stared at him down and pursed her mouth. “Let me guess… you’re feeling bad about handing Berry her egotistical ass to her on a platter. Right?”

Kurt looked down at his shoes, not quite sure how to answer.

Cassandra huffed irritably. “Look, I know that she’s supposed to be your friend. Though with a friend like that, I’d be hiring a bodyguard because she would definitely crowbar you if she thought it would get her ahead somehow.”

Kurt shook his head insistently. “No! She’s not really like that. She’s…”

Cassandra cut him off with a quickly raised finger. “No? Then explain her behavior the past few weeks when her head was swelling to the point that I’m surprised she was able to get it through the front doors. Or did I mistake how she was throwing her diminutive weight around like she’s God’s gift to the theater world and we’re all peons here to serve her bidding?”

She leaned against the barre and gave him a hard stare. “Let me tell you something, Hummel… I’ve seen her kind time and time again. Arrogant and self-entitled and completely unable to respect that other people just might have an iota of talent themselves. She’s probably the girl who got everything she wanted in high school without lifting a finger.”

Kurt felt himself nodding and hating that he was doing so. It felt like he was betraying Rachel.

Cassandra just nodded knowingly. “Now I’m sure that she’s not going to see it this way, but you actually did her a huge favor.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, more than a bit confused. “I only embarrassed her in front of the entire school.”

“Yeah, you did. Didn’t you?” Cassandra chuckled. “But it in the end, if she’s capable of getting her head out from her own ass and actually learns something, she’s going to come out better for it.

“This is a rough business you kids are trying to get into,” the harsh woman warned. “I don’t think I have to tell you that. If you’re not able to take any criticism or correction, or learn to keep your ego in check and listen to those who might know better… well, you won’t survive long. And her ego was getting so inflated that she wasn’t listening to anyone except those who were telling her what she wanted to hear.”  
Kurt couldn’t deny that fact. Rachel had ignored him in favor of her minions and when he called her on her behavior, she attacked like he was a mortal enemy.

“Now can you imagine what’s going to happen to Berry the first time she butts heads with a director who’s not inclined to cater to her every wish? Or cast mates who don’t feel that they are there just to serve her bidding?” Cassandra asked. “There’s a big difference between confidence and arrogance and she badly needs to learn that. Otherwise no matter how good she thinks she is, she’s going to make herself unemployable.”

Kurt sighed, resting his arms on the barre and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked so worn down and sad. “I could have found another way to reach her,” he insisted, but that claim sounded weak even to himself. “I didn’t have to go right to the nuclear option.”

  
His dance teacher shook her head. “Hummel… I dealt with her all last semester and I can tell you that you that nothing short of a brick to the skull is going to get through to her. She’s out for herself and herself alone and it doesn’t matter if you’re her best friend or her brother… she’ll steamroll right over you to get what she wants. If you don’t stand up to her, then you’re signing up for a lifetime role as her doormat. And I don’t get the impression that being a doormat is the career that you’re planning on. Is it?”

Kurt didn’t answer immediately. He knew that Ms. July was right. How often had he held back, letting others step over him in order to keep the peace around him. If it wasn’t Rachel, then it had been Blaine and what did it get him? Ignored half the time and mocked the other half. How could he be the star that he wanted to be if he kept letter others just kept letting others just take what he wanted for themselves without putting up a fight.

He looked at the normally harsh woman who reminded him so much of Sue Sylvester in a lot of ways, trying figure out what her angle was. “Why are you doing this?” he couldn’t help from asking.

Cassandra flicked her long hair back and gazed at him appraisingly. “I know I have a reputation for being a real hard ass,” she admitted. “Maybe teaching wasn’t my first choice, but I do take it seriously. And unlike half the troglodytes that come trooping through my class, you actually want to learn.”

She stepped away to pull on her warm up jacket. “You’re not so caught up in your own amazingness that you just go through the motions the way so many others do. So maybe I’m not as hard on you as I might be on some of the others because you’re not wasting my time.”  
He watched her gather her belongings and give him another hard stare. “So don’t disappoint me and undo the good you just did.”  
He left the dance studio, having a lot to think about. As good as he felt about proving himself, he couldn’t lie and be glad that it hurt Rachel in the process. Yes, he’d wanted to teach her a lesson and he was the one who’s issued the challenge. He knew what the stakes were better than she did. And he still did this to her.

Kurt sighed deeply, unable to shake the intense feeling of guilt over what he’d done. He hadn’t intended to hurt Rachel but apparently that was what he’d done. And he wasn’t sure if he was ready to deal with the consequences of his decision.


	2. Part Two

Adam bit back smile as Kurt sent Rachel’s former sycophants packing with little more than a pithy comment, a not too subtle threat and an angelic blink of his eyes that would have done the most manipulative Disney princess proud. And using his newfound power to spread his cloak of protection over the Apples.

He looked to his boyfriend and could hardly express just how much this meant to him. He’d seen it so many times before… when others rose to the top of the social heap and shunned those left behind. But Kurt was made of such stronger material. He wasn’t surprised, but he was grateful.

“That was very impressive,” he complimented, not wanting to reveal in public just how much this meant to him. He’d tell Kurt later, in private. Maybe by then he’d be able to gather his thoughts and be able to tell Kurt exactly what this meant to him in a somewhat articulate manner.

Kurt gave Adam and exasperated look after having sent the two minions away in an affronted huff, and looked so completely over this whole thing already. Adam was about to suggest they ditch the rest of the afternoon when Kurt suddenly asked to be excused and rushed down the hall.

It was hard to miss what had gotten Kurt’s attention. Rachel was there, looking like she had her own personal raincloud hovering over her head. Gone were the attention-grabbing clothing and overdone hair and makeup. Now she looked like she was trying to blend into the woodwork, her outward look all but deliberately designed to reflect her fall in status. It would be almost sad if he hadn’t seen just how much she’d abused Kurt’s friendship recently.

He saw Kurt trying to engage her, but Rachel quickly brushed him off with a softly spoken answer to his efforts to reach out to her. As she slunk away, Kurt could only stare after her, looking rather upset with her unwillingness to speak to him.

Adam hurried over to Kurt. “What happened?” he asked, genuinely concerned.

Kurt looked torn between wanting to cry and punch the nearest wall. “Just… Rachel being Rachel,” he explained, taking a deep breath of exasperation.

“What did she say?” Adam asked gently, placing his hand to Kurt’s back and guiding him to a quieter corner where he wouldn’t feel so much on display if he needed to explode a bit.

“She told me that I should audition for Funny Girl,” Kurt all but spat.

“Well, that’s not such a bad idea if you want to,” Adam considered. “You would make a very good Eddie Ryan.”

“Except that she said that I’d make a good Fanny,” Kurt snapped. He inhaled deeply and tried to get a rein on his temper. “I am sick to death of everyone thinking that I want to play girl parts! Just because I could sing it better than her doesn’t mean that I want to play Fanny!”

Adam shook his head ruefully, wondering what the hell Rachel had been thinking. No wonder Kurt looked ready to spit nails. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it as an insult,” Adam claimed, hoping that he was right about that. He really hated to think that someone that Kurt cared about would mock him like that.

Kurt shrugged and shook his head. “It’s more of Rachel’s melodrama. Since I beat her last night, obviously I should clearly take over the role she’s claimed for herself. Never mind the fact that the character is a woman and I am a male with a penis. Which you can testify to.”

“Happily so,” Adam agreed, his mild joke drawing out a little smile on Kurt’s face.

“I am just so tired of Rachel’s ‘woe is me’, passive aggressive bullshit,” Kurt complained tiredly. “She has any kind of setback and takes it out on everyone else. Heaven forbid she actually show an iota of grace when someone else does well. No… it’s all about her all the time. If anyone else beats her out for something, no matter how minor, she’s going to make sure that we feel like shit for doing this to her. Because Rachel is a star and I just removed her from her proper place in the universe.”

He paused in his rant and looked up tiredly at Adam. “Can we get out of here?” he all but begged.

Adam’s heart went out to his poor sweetheart. Kurt looked so torn by what had transpired between him and Rachel, and all Adam wanted to do was make him feel better.

“Of course,” he assured Kurt. He could afford to blow of his production class this once. “I know just the place we can go.”

Adam ended up taking Kurt to the little shop down in Greenwich Village that he always went to when he was feeling sad and homesick. Tea and Sympathy was exactly what Kurt needed, both in name and practice. He nearly laughed at Kurt’s wide-eyed expression as Adam lead him to a table, looking about at all the English-themed décor and Adam knew that he’d made the right call.

With a pot of perfectly brewed tea and a plate of scones and jam before him, Kurt’s mood seemed to improve dramatically. “This place is amazing,” Kurt said as he smeared raspberry jam onto his scone. “I didn’t even know it existed.”

“You need to get out of Bushwick more,” Adam advised. “I come here whenever I need a taste of home. One day I’ll have to take you to my favorite chip shop.”

Kurt smiled at him affectionately and took Adam’s big hand in his. “You’re going to turn me into an honorary Englishman, aren’t you?”

Adam laughed. “Well, you were well on your way long before I came into the picture.” He took a sip of his tea and looked at Kurt from over the rim of his cup. A lot of the tension seemed to have faded and Kurt seemed much happier now. “Are you feeling better, darling?” he asked.

Kurt nodded. “I’m still upset. And mad. But... it’s better. I really appreciate this, Adam. You are way too good to me.”

“Impossible,” Adam insisted. “You deserve nothing but good things. I’m just sorry this whole thing has you so upset.”

“It’s crazy, isn’t it?” Kurt asked, drinking his tea. “I got myself into this, so I really have no one to blame.”

Adam’s thumb stroked Kurt’s hand, a comforting presence, he hoped. “Do you want to tell me what’s really bothering you? I know that Rachel’s bit about Funny Girl wasn’t very tactful, but you did say she was feeling sorry for herself and probably didn’t mean it as an insult.”

Kurt sighed, pausing a long and uncomfortable moment before trying to answer. “Ms. July had a talk with me after class about what happened last night. Turns out that the teachers know all about Midnight Madness.”

Adam cocked his head. “Somehow, that doesn’t really surprise me. A bunch of students making all kinds of ruckus after hours… the faculty would have to be turning a blind eye to it.”

“Well, she was very amused by me taking Rachel down,” Kurt explained. “Said that it was probably something she needed.”

Adam only saw Kurt’s sadness and knew that Kurt was having a hard time seeing it from that perspective. He had a feeling that the dance instructor had a good point but he didn’t want to just badmouth Kurt’s friend.

“And what do you think?” Adam asked gently, giving Kurt a chance to get his thoughts in order.

Kurt looked down at his cup, as if seeing answers in the swirl of tea and milk before him. “I was thinking that she might be right,” he answered. “And I hate that I do.”

He turned his gaze to Adam and tried to explain. “I mean, Rachel has been an absolute nightmare since she won the Winter Showcase. Suddenly she’s the star of NYADA and seemed to think that I existed just when she wanted something. To make her tea or take her messages or gaze admiringly when she took over Free Sing as her personal concert space. Other than that, she just ignored that I even existed.”

He caught a bit of clotted cream with his finger and popped it into his mouth. “She’s supposed to be my best friend,” he explained. “But it seems like everything seems to be on sided. I support her, but if supporting me becomes inconvenient… well, let’s just say that I’m not counted as any kind of real priority.

“And she’s all about status and being a star,” he said dramatically. “I suppose that trying to show a bit of support for her nobody best friend while he tries to get his footing was too much to ask for.”

Adam didn’t miss the hurt in Kurt’s voice and it saddened him deeply that Kurt would ever have been made to feel as if he was unimportant. He wanted to take that hurt away but knew that right now, Kurt needed to get this out of his system.

“You know, when I first told Rachel about the Apples, she told me not to join,” Kurt said softly. “That I would be committing career suicide and that the Apples were beneath the stage hands in regards to popularity.”

Adam knew better than anyone else the social standing of his group, but still… it stung having it said so plainly. He knew that he’d pursued Kurt rather insistently to convince him to sign up. He’d never been overly bothered by the cutthroat social hierarchy and the childish popularity games at NYADA, but he couldn’t deny that he felt a bit of guilt that he might have caused Kurt some difficulties by convincing him to join.

As if he was able to sense what Adam was feeling, Kurt quickly reached out to grasp his hand reassuringly. “I didn’t see it like that,” he promised. “I loved the Apples and we have so much fun with them. It really reminds me so much of our old choir when we first started. We were laughed at and had people throwing things at us and we didn’t let it stand in our way. And we did the most ridiculous stuff. I’ll have to tell you some time about how we did this raunchy performance of ‘Toxic’ with our choir leader at an assembly and started a full fledged sex riot.”

Adam couldn’t help from laughing at the thought of an actual brawl starting over a show choir performance. “Please tell me that there’s video of that,” he begged.

Kurt smiled, sipping at his tea. “I’ll get in touch with my friend, Lauren. She was with the AV club at the time. If there’s anyone who would have a copy, she would.”

“Because that sounds absolutely epic,” Adam insisted. “We’ll have to plan something like that for the Apples.”

“And that’s exactly the point. When our choir started, we were about as low on the social ladder as you could get,” Kurt explained. “So the Apples not being popular doesn’t mean anything to me. I love you guys and I have an absolute blast when we sing together. I don’t care that a bunch of snobs look down their noses at us. We have fun. Everything else in the school is so freaking serious. We need a chance to just cut loose and play with music and enjoy ourselves.”

Adam smiled warmly at his boyfriend, glad to know that Kurt wasn’t harboring any regrets over joining them. “I’m glad, darling.”

“Rachel seems to have forgotten where we came from, and instead of enjoying learning and experimenting and trying to grow, she just seems focused on protecting her newfound stardom. And throwing everything else under the bus,” Kurt said with genuine sadness. “She got her new starlet makeover, her career appropriate boyfriend and a flock of low rent flatterers to massage her ego. And it became clear that if I wanted a place in her world, it wasn’t going to be as an equal. And I’ve spent too many years being put down to tolerate it being done by someone who’s supposed to be a friend.”

He finished his tea and looked up at Adam uncertainly. “Am I a bad person for wanting to teach her a lesson?”

“Kurt… sweetheart. I know that you’re upset, but try to look at it this way,” Adam suggested. “If by chance Rachel won last night, do you think that she would feel the least bit conflicted about knocking you to the bottom of the social heap? Be honest.”

Kurt sighed deeply, looking like he wanted to disagree the point but couldn’t. It had happened too many times for him to just ignore. How many times had he watched Rachel go after something she wanted, without a care for who she might hurt in the process? As much loyalty as he felt towards her, he couldn’t argue with what Adam was suggesting. Especially after so many weeks of being on the receiving end of her selfishness.

No, Adam was right. Rachel wouldn’t be tearing herself apart over his loss of what little social standing he might have claimed. But she would be fast to remind him that he was foolish to challenge her like that and that he was suffering well-deserved consequences, all the while offering insincere commiserations for his stupidity.

Adam watched the conflict warring within Kurt and wished that he could undo some of the damage that had been done to him in the past. That he’d been taught to accept poor treatment from those he cared about because he wasn’t allowed to believe that he really deserved better. Or how hard it was for him to accept an accolade when it was so well earned. He hated seeing the younger man tearing himself apart over a friendship that had grown so badly one-sided.

“But I challenged her,” Kurt insisted. “I knew exactly what would happen if I, by some chance, was able to beat her.”

Adam nodded. “Yes, you did. But she didn’t have to accept,” he reminded Kurt. “It wasn’t as if you challenged her in public where her reputation hinged on not being seen as backing down. Her ego wouldn’t let her say no and she knew what the risks just as well as you did.

“The difference is that you were actually willing to risk losing to make the point that you felt was so important. Whereas, I don’t think that Rachel ever really considered that she might actually lose. And that is in no way your fault or responsibility.”

Kurt bowed his head an exhaled a long, shaky breath, knowing that Adam was right. He couldn’t forget how Rachel had mocked him for even thinking that he could be her equal. That even his admission was based on their relationship and not any real talent that Kurt had. It was hardly the first time that she sought to elevate herself by cutting down someone else, and he knew that she very much needed to have her overinflated ego punctured a bit.

That didn’t ease the guilt hat he felt at seeing her now ignored by the sycophants who’d so eagerly curried her favor before, and then turned their attentions to him. The girl who thought herself of being a star was now reduced to just another face in the crowd and the overwhelming confidence she had in her ability to be the best in any setting seemed to have been broken. No matter how badly needed and well-deserved the lesson Kurt leveled on her as, it just wasn’t something he could take pleasure in.

“I know,” he sighed reluctantly “It’s just… she’s my friend. I hate seeing her like this.”

Adam shook his head, wishing that Kurt had as much in the way of self-preservation as he did his remarkable loyalty. He carefully slid his chair to the other side of their table and put his arm about Kurt’s shoulder and pulled him close in a gentle embrace.

“I know you do,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s temple. “Because you are a good person. And a much better friend than she deserves.”

“I’m just so damn tired of this,” Kurt sighed, leaning in to take what comfort he could from Adam’s presence. “I’m so sick of always dancing around everyone else and making things right for them and get crapped on for it.”

Adam stroked his hair, wishing that he could make it better for Kurt.

“Do you want to stay at my place for a bit longer?” he offered. “This way, you and Rachel can have a chance to cool off before you try to deal with one another again. She probably needs to do some thinking as much as you do.”

Kurt smiled and wiped his eyes. “Would you mind?”

Adam smoothed back Kurt’s hair and smiled gently. “I wouldn’t have offered if I did. Do you have enough clothes to get you through the weekend? And your school books?”

Kurt nodded and wiped his eyes again.

“Then that settles it,” Adam pronounced. “You’ll have a quiet weekend and then we’ll see how things stand.”

* * *

Adam supposed that he shouldn’t be surprised that as soon as the Apples got wind of what was going on that the phone calls started pouring in. First Gaby called to check up on Kurt, and then Colin. By the time Adam had reassured Jules that Kurt was fine and just staying with him for a few days, word had made it through the Apples phone tree that one of their own needed their support and Operation Cheer Up Kurt was put into effect.

Adam and Kurt spent a quiet Saturday together, just enjoying one another’s company and doing school work. This being Adam’s final semester, he had his senior project to focus on and Kurt had an especially heavy class load since he was trying to catch up from starting a semester late.

By the time they decided to take a break, it was already getting late and they really hadn’t planned anything for dinner. Adam was trying to decide if Kurt would want to stay in and maybe catch a few episodes of Doctor Who or maybe suggest they go out for a little bit. There were some nice clubs in the area that might pique his curiosity and going out meant being able to ignore their school work for a bit.

“Think that you’re ready for a break?” he asked, coming up behind Kurt to give his shoulders a quick rub.

“Definitely. Because I’m ready to take my musical theory book and pitch it out the window,” Kurt griped. He closed his laptop and leaned back to accept a kiss. “Are we going out or staying in?”

They began to discuss their options when Adam’s phone rang. He checked the caller ID and saw that it was Tommy from the group. Apparently the Apples were having doubts about his ability to take care of his boyfriend.

“Let me see what Tommy wants, then we’ll decide,” Adam advised, answering the call. “Hello?”

“Hey Adam,” Tommy greeted cheerful. “Is Kurt still with you?”

“Yes, he’s spending the weekend,” Adam advised.

“Great! I’m outside your building with Mags,” Tommy advised. “Grab your coats because we’re going out.”

“Right now?”

“Well, unless I’ve managed to catch you _in flagrante_ … then yes. Right now,” Tommy stated. Put your pants on if you’re not wearing pants and get moving, Crawford. I’ve got the whole group waiting for us.”

Adam disconnected the call and looked to his boyfriend. “It appears that you and I are being abducted for the evening.”

Kurt cocked his head. “Seriously?”

“Yup. And Tommy is waiting downstairs with Mags, so if we don’t hurry they’re likely to come here and carry us away bodily,” Adam warned.

After a quick check to make sure that they were somewhat presentable, Adam grabbed their coats and from the closet and they hurried downstairs to find two of the Apples waiting in the vestibule.

“Finally!” Mags crowed, quickly taking possession of Kurt’s arm. “I was afraid that Adam was going to want to keep you all to himself tonight.” She laughed cheerfully and all but dragged Kurt down the street with Adam and Tommy in tow.

“I do let him come up for air on occasion,” Adam insisted.

“So where are we going?” Kurt asked the mohawked girl who was pulling him towards the subway. “If I am being kidnapped, it would be nice to know where I’m going to be held until the ransom is paid.”

“Dinner and fun,” Mags warned playfully. She then turned a bit more serious. “We heard what happened between you and Berry and wanted to cheer you up for a bit. So the whole group is waiting for us in Korea Town. We’ve got a private karaoke room booked for a night of singing, booze and merriment.”

“You didn’t have to do this,” Kurt protested weakly, feeling a bit off balance that the Apples would go out of their way like this.

“Hey, we’re doing this because we want to,” Tommy insisted. “And we haven’t gotten everyone to go out socially in a long time, so this is a great excuse.”

“Don’t argue with them,” Adam advised Kurt. “It’s easier just to go along when they’re being meddlesome.”

“There’s just one rule,” Mags stated firmly as she swiped her Metrocard and pushed Kurt through the turnstile. “No Broadway.”

“What?”

“No Broadway tunes. At all,” Tommy explained. “No Webber, no Sondheim… not even Larson is acceptable. The whole point of this is to have fun and be silly. Not to practice for your next auditions.”

Adam nodded as he joined them on the train platform. “That is true. We normal have this rule,” he explained to Kurt, who was looking quite put out at being denied his favorite material. “But there is an exception. If the song existed before it was used on Broadway, then it’s allowed.”

“Except Abba, because that’s too cheesy even for us,” Mags insisted.

“So I can use something that was in Rock of Ages or American Idiot?” Kurt asked.

Mags laughed. “I would so give anything to hear you sing Green Day. I would hock my right kidney for that to happen.”

“Oh, come on… I don’t just sing show tunes,” Kurt complained, pouting adorably. “Not all the time.”

Tommy looked at Kurt curiously. “You know… come to think of it, you would make an interesting St. Jimmy.”

“Hmm…” Kurt mused.

“It’s better not to protest and just go along with it,” Adam advised, coming up behind his boyfriend to hold him while they waited for the train. If he knew his Apples, they were in for a wild night.

* * *

Kurt lay quietly against Adam’s chest as the older man slept peacefully. They had gotten back to his apartment a few hours ago, but he wasn’t able to really settle and fall asleep. His brain just wouldn’t shut down.

It had been one of the most enjoyable nights he’d spent since arriving in New York. Adam’s troop had pulled out all the stops to take his mind off his worries and he could not remember the last time anyone had gone so out of their way just to try to make him feel better about something.

And he’d had fun. More than he’s had in ages. They had gone out for Korean barbeque, which he had never had before, and then taking over a large karaoke room at a club. There was plenty of beer, _soju_ , and snacks and everyone was laughing and challenging one another with the most ridiculous songs to perform.

He’d obliged Mags by accepting her challenge of hard rock numbers, including the Green Day song in question (which he completely nailed), whereas she accepted his dare of singing a melodic power ballad. Then geeky Tommy, who still reminded Kurt of a lost Weasley sibling, surprised Kurt by taking on some Rob Zombie. Sweet looking Mei absolutely killed on Evanescence and his own Adam… Kurt didn’t think he would ever be able to listen to The Eurythmics without blushing furiously. It had been fun to cut loose and just sing and not worry so much about being perfect for an audience, like at Callbacks.

He wasn’t quite sure of what time they’d returned home, or how he managed to get Adam up the stairs as the older man had dunk more than Kurt did and was more than a little tipsy by the time the other Apples had poured him and Kurt into a cab and sent them home. Once inside, Adam was all over him and Kurt knew that he would have a few more marks on his neck to show off.

It was hard to compare how the Apples were treating him to how his friends in the past had. All the Apples needed was the smallest indication that he was unhappy and they went totally out of their way to try to cheer him up. Kurt was well aware that for a bunch of theater students it had been a relatively expensive night out but they still put in the effort to make him feel better. Most of the time with Rachel and Blaine, they rarely noticed when something was wrong and when they did, it seemed that Kurt spent more time assuring him that he was fine than they did doing anything to make him feel better.

He knew that the Apples meant well, and he so very much appreciate their efforts. But he was even more confused than ever.

He kept reminding herself that Rachel wasn’t a bad person. At least, she rarely was deliberately malicious. But she was self-centered and rarely saw past her own wants and could carelessly hurt others in her efforts to protect her own interests. Admittedly, she could be gracious when the mood took her, but it tended to be only if she was already winning and if it didn’t call on her to make any kind of big sacrifices. Kurt loved her, but he was just so tired of having to compensate for her shortcomings.

Was it really so wrong that he liked someone putting him first once in awhile? Or that he was tired of having to always be the one to put his own needs aside to care for others. Did that make him selfish?

“I can hear the gears turning,” Adam muttered, his blue eyes opening as he began to wake.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt apologized, kissing the spot on his breastbone near where his head lay. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“It’s fine, love,” Adam assured him, a broad hand stroking down Kurt’s back. “You just seem to be thinking really hard.”

There was no use denying it, Kurt thought. Adam did seem to always have a good read on him.

“I had a good time tonight,” he admitted.

“I’m so glad,” Adam said gently, smiling. “You more than deserve it with everything you’ve been putting up with.”

“I just feel guilty,” Kurt said softly. “Everyone went through so much trouble tonight.”

“Sweetheart… you’re their friend,” Adam reminded him. “Of course they’re going to want to try to do something if you’re upset. It’s nothing less than I’ve seen you do for others. And I’m glad that they did.”

Kurt turned his head so that he could look at Adam.

“You are one of us,” Adam pointed out. “This is what we’d do for any of our own. The world out there is such a harsh one at times. Especially in the business that we’ve chosen, where we’re always being judged and facing rejection. If your friends aren’t there to support you when things get difficult, then what hope do we have?

“And don’t tell me that it’s not something that you wouldn’t have done for someone else,” Adam warned him. “I’ve seen you do it before. So why are you in knots about being on the receiving end for once?”

Kurt curled into the warmth of Adam’s body and found it hard to put his thoughts into words.

“It’s just… I don’t want to be the person that expects everyone to dance around him,” Kurt said softly. “I don’t want to start liking it so much that I expect it like it’s owed to me.”

Adam smiled and held Kurt closer. “You couldn’t if you tried, my darling,” he assured Kurt. “It’s just not your nature.”

“But I also don’t want to be the person that gets taken advantage of,” Kurt explained. “I know that I let it happen. I let people use me to get their way and I don’t say anything.”

“It’s hard when it’s someone you care about,” Adam agreed. “You want to do what you can for them, and it’s not out of line to expect that they would do the same in return. That’s what people generally try to do. I mean… sometimes the give and take isn’t perfectly equitable, but at least we try. You shouldn’t feel badly for being a bit put out that your efforts aren’t reciprocated. That’s just being human.”

“I know,” Kurt groaned, pressing his cheek against Adam’s shoulder. “I know that I should have spoken up a long time ago. Before it got to this point. I just kept hoping that Rachel would come to her senses and realize what she was doing.”

“Kurt, I know that you’re feeling badly for Rachel right now and it shows just how kind a person you are because you have every right to be angry with her. And maybe you should have spoken up before things got so far along,” Adam granted, his strong hand rubbing soothingly down Kurt’s back. “But you shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to be treated as well as you treat others. Or holding Rachel accountable for her behavior. I don’t know her as well as you do, but from what I’ve seen the past few weeks, you have every right to be angry with her.”

Kurt sat up and looked down at Adam, reaching to smooth Adam’s hair away from his face. “Would I be a total doormat for wanting to give her another chance? I mean… maybe she has learned something here.”

Adam smiled. “Of course not. I totally get not wanting to give up on someone you care about.” He shifted so that he was sitting upright and gently cradled Kurt’s face in his hands.

“I’ll support you any way you need, sweetheart,” he said softly, pressing a gently kiss to Kurt’s lips. “You don’t even have to ask.”

* * *

Monday morning found them both at NYADA early for the start of their classes for the week. Adam walked in with Kurt at his side and throughout the day saw just how things had ever so subtly shifted.

Kurt’s Midnight Madness victory was still a topic of discussion with the student body and Adam saw how others were trying to take advantage of Kurt’s newfound influence for their own ends. And Kurt showed absolutely no interest in playing those political games. The students who sought to elevate themselves by attaching themselves to the coattails of their betters were disappointed when Kurt showed that he was immune to empty flattery and sent them on their way.

Nor did Kurt try to use his new status to reap favor with the elites. He might be a newly crowned prince at NYADA, but he showed where his loyalties were. With those who had stood by him before he had his epic victory and who would not have rejected him had he lost. Kurt refused to allow his new status to affect his friendships, but Adam could detect the small shift in the balance of power within the student body. The gravitational field had moved and it appeared that many of the student body were trying to figure out how to operate in this new environment.

And if Kurt walked with his head a little higher and his shoulders set a bit more confidently, then Adam would count the whole exercise as well worth the aggravation. Not only were people starting to see Kurt as Adam did, but it appeared that Kurt was starting to see it himself.

But he knew that one matter would be weighing on Kurt’s mind and when he met his boyfriend for lunch, he asked if Kurt had run into Rachel yet.

“No, we don’t share any classes until Wednesday,” Kurt explained. “And I haven’t seen her around school at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was still trying to avoid me.”

Adam wouldn’t be surprised if Rachel was deliberately hiding and trying to steer clear of Kurt, but that would only work for so long. It wasn’t that he cared so much about the girl, as she’d given him no reason to be concerned about her well being. But this was affecting Kurt and that did matter greatly to him.

“I think that I’m going to go back to the loft today,” Kurt advised. “I’m out of clean clothes and you probably want your space back. You didn’t count on my being a long-term houseguest.”

Adam shook his head, taking Kurt’s hand in his as they walked towards their favorite lunch spot. “I don’t mind,” he assured the younger man. “You give me something very pretty to look at first thing in the morning.”

Kurt blushed and leaned close into Adam’s personal space. “I need to talk to her. Avoidance isn’t going to make this any better and we need to get this resolved. I may be calling you to beg for sofa space if it doesn’t go well, but we’ve going to deal with this.”

“Kurt, you are always welcome at my place,” Adam assured him. “And if by any chance you don’t feel comfortable there, I’m sure that Mei or Jules would be able to help out. Don’t feel like you can’t ask for help if you need it. We’re all here for you.”

Kurt smiled and gave Adam’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Thanks. I’m still hoping that I can get Rachel to see reason.”

“I’m sure that you will,” Adam insisted. He gave Kurt an appraising smile. “You’re very persuasive when you put your mind to it.”

“This is nothing,” Kurt insisted loftily. “I’ll have to tell you sometime how I got our entire football team to do the Single Ladies dance. On the field. In the middle of a game.”

“Please… there must be video..,” Adam moaned nearly overcome at the very thought.

Kurt just grinned wickedly.


	3. Part Three

Kurt hadn’t been terribly surprised to see that Rachel had managed to avoid him for the entire day. He was sure that she hadn’t missed her classes, confirmed when he managed to corner a rather somber Brody. The older man admitted that he’d been unable to comfort Rachel and that she’d ended up lashing out at him for not supporting her in the voting.

Kurt could only shake his head in astonishment. Ignoring the fact that Brody had been designated as the moderator for the competition, even his one vote wouldn’t have changed the results. He knew that Rachel was never a gracious loser, but this was taking it much too far. He needed to put a stop to this before she alienated everyone in New York.

After his last class, he gave Adam a kiss goodbye and promised that he would call as soon as he’d spoken to Rachel. As he rode the subway into Brooklyn, he thought carefully about what he needed to tell her. He loved Rachel. She was like a sister to him, but he had not done her any favors by trying to protect her from the consequences of her behavior. Or excusing it as “Rachel just being Rachel”. He knew that he had made a huge mistake letting things fester until they reached a boiling point.

He wanted to try to fix things between them, but knew that he would be facing an angry and hurt girl who would wrap herself up in her self-righteous anger about how he’d wronged her. It would be too easy to fall into their old patterns and just smooth over their problems in order to appease her wounded pride. This time, that just wasn’t going to work.

When he arrived at the loft it was impossible to miss the somber air that permeated the open space. The light was on in the main area and he saw her jacket tossed carelessly over the back of one of their dining room chairs. There were some dishes in the sink, so at least he knew that she was eating, but that was another thing that they would discuss. He was done cleaning up after her so that she could protect her manicure.

He heard some movement behind Rachel’s privacy curtain and knew that the moment had come to get this settled. He dropped his overnight bag onto his bed and then took a deep breath to ready himself for the inevitable battle.

He took a quick peek to make sure that Rachel was decent and then pushed the curtain aside to step into her sleep area. She was sitting on her bed, wrapped in a chenille throw and looking absolutely despondent. Her hair looked like it needed brushing and she hadn’t bothered to wash off her makeup before she went into her latest sobbing fit, Kurt noted. Thankfully she’d given up on the heavy eyeliner she’d been sporting lately, otherwise she would probably end up resembling a raccoon. To see her sitting in her bed like her world had totally collapsed around her just because some other students thought that Kurt had performed a song better than she did was so absurd that he felt his irritation with her rekindle.

“Still sitting shiva?” he asked, not bothering to temper the trace of mockery in his voice. “Don’t you think this is a little much? Even for you?”

She started at the sharp tone of his voice and then quickly resumed her hopeless demeanor. “I suppose that I’m not supposed to have any feelings about what you did to me,” she retorted, wiping at her eyes. “I’m a laughing stock at NYADA now.”

Kurt shook his head. This was not going to be fun.

“I think that you’re overstating this just a little bit,” he commented, stepping over to her bed. “It’s a stupid singing contest. I win sometimes; you win most of the time. It’s not that big a deal.”

“Not that big a deal?” Rachel snapped angrily. “You called me out and then proceeded to humiliate me in front of everyone! We were supposed to be friends, but you stabbed me in the back and totally destroyed my reputation there. I’m ruined!”

Kurt just stared at her stoically. “Are you done?” he asked. “Because your tantrums are really getting tiresome.”

Rachel flung off her blanket and jumped off her bed. “You have no right to criticize me! Not after what you pulled.”

“Which was what?” Kurt demanded, please that he was able to keep his voice calm. When she was in this state, losing his temper would not help matters. One of them had to show at least some semblance of sanity. “Reaching my fed up point with you treating me like your personal peon? Being acknowledged only when you needed a fresh cup of tea or to wash your dirty dishes? Or maybe just being sick of getting put down whenever you need to give yourself a mental boost?

“Instead of having a roommate and a friend, I found myself with a petty dictator who thought that just because she’s got some talent as a singer that the universe is supposed to revolve around her. And that my sole purpose for existence is to serve you. Well sorry Rachel, but short of clubbing you over the head with a brick this was the only thing that was get through your oversized ego.”

“And I suppose that talking to me was out of the question?” Rachel snapped.

Kurt rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. She just wasn’t getting it.

“Rachel, let’s clear the air right now,” he said firmly, prepared to tick off her offenses. “I told you repeatedly that your behavior had gotten out of control. That I was sick of waking up an hour before I needed to if I wanted a hot shower, or being woken up on my late mornings because you felt the need to screech at the top of your lungs for ‘practice’. And it’s rather amazing that it was fine for you to bellow like a dying whale at seven in the morning but you can’t answer your own damn phone because you needed to save your voice.

“You didn’t listen, and when I finally reached my limit, instead of recognizing what a pill you’d become, it became about me being jealous of you. As if your talent as a singer justified your behavior. So yes… I did take drastic measures, because nothing else was working.”

“I’ve been impossible?” Rachel demanded incredulously. “You deliberately sabotaged me! And now you’ve turned everyone against me!”

He shook his head ruefully, angry that she was being so deliberately obtuse. “Rachel, since I started at NYADA I’ve had to deal with your out of control ego, and I am fed up over it. I deserve a lot better than to be shoved aside because I’m inconvenient or because you need your ego massaged on a regular basis. It’s gotten too hard for me and I am sick and tired of having to keep reminding myself that you’re my friend and that you’re normally not so totally obnoxious.”

Kurt’s harsh words finally seem to have gotten through to Rachel and he could all but see her visibly deflate as they struck home. “I didn’t know that you were feeling that way,” she admitted sheepishly.

Kurt could only shake his head sadly. “Because you weren’t listening. You were only listening to what you wanted to hear, whether it was Brody telling you how amazing you were all the time or those bottom feeders that attached themselves to you. Not the person that you call your best friend when it’s convenient for you. Or when you need something.”

He looked at Rachel sadly. “You know… when I first came to New York, I thought that it was going to be the two of us against the world. And I tried to help you as much as I could. You wanted a makeover so that you’d fit in better and I did that for you. You needed help with Ms. July and I had your back. But the instant that I needed my friend to be there for me… you were too busy. You were too focused on being the star of NYADA to spare any time for me. And that hurt.”

“I know that I haven’t been the best of friends,” she admitted reluctantly. “It’s just… you don’t know the kind of pressure that I’m under. Once I won showcase, it’s like I had a target on my back. Everyone was watching everything I did, waiting for me to mess up.”

Kurt inhaled deeply, thinking back to what Adam had told him. “Rachel, I get that. I know that this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too. We’re always getting judged and we’re in a school full of people who are going to be some of the hardest competition we’re ever going to face. But if we can’t support each other, then we’re just making it harder on ourselves. And I deserve to be supported as much as I try to support you.”

Rachel sniffled and nodded. “I know you do. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t a better friend.”

“It’s not just not being a better friend,” Kurt pointed out. He needed her to see exactly what she was doing, otherwise they wouldn’t ever get past this. “Rachel, the fact that you’ve got an incessant need to be seen as the best performer at all times is hardly some kind of secret. But you’re always using that as a justification for when you act badly and I’m past the point of putting up with it. When I tried to tell you how tired I was of your treatment, you tried to make it about my non-existent jealousy. You seem to be under this misconception that I should be kissing your ass because you think that if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be at NYADA. All that told me was how little you respected me as a friend and as a performer.”

“Kurt, I do respect you!” Rachel insisted plaintively. “You are so amazingly talented that it sometimes scares me. You can do things that I just can’t as a singer.”

Kurt just stared at her, not bothering to hide his hurt. “Then why do you always have to try to cut me down in order to make yourself look better in comparison? Rachel, this wasn’t exactly an isolated incident.”

The young woman could only look down, knowing that she had no good excuse for what she did. “I guess… it’s just a way to make me feel better about things,” she admitted reluctantly. “I don’t mean to do it. It’s just…”

Kurt nodded. This was probably the most honest answer he was going to get out of her. “I know why you do it. But I don’t deserve that. I get put down enough by everyone out there that I shouldn’t have to tolerate it from someone who calls herself my friend.”

“I know you don’t,” Rachel said softly, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment over her behavior.

“Then why do you keep doing it?” Kurt asked, desperate for an answer. “I have never thrown you under the bus like that.”

Rachel looked down at her bare feet, obviously struggling to find an answer that would satisfy him.

“Do you know what the final straw was for me?” Kurt asked. “Your two lackeys… they were standing right in front of you, insulting me and you barely said a word. Like you were afraid that if you defended me too strongly that you’d lose some of that NYADA star glow. I was really debating about whether or not I wanted to go through with the contest but when you could barely bring yourself to stand up for me… that was it. I knew then that the only way I was going to have any chance of getting through to you.”

“Kurt, I really understand that I was hurting you,” Rachel said with genuine sincerity. “But what you did… you tore me down in a way that no one has ever been able to before. Whatever reputation I earned at Winter Showcase is gone.”

Kurt shrugged. “Honestly Rachel… that was the least of my concerns,” he admitted, any remorse he’d felt erased. “I have spent years being torn down by everyone around me, including those that are supposed to be my friends. So to have you, of all people, treat me like I was garbage… that was my breaking point. I didn’t deserve it from them and I sure as hell don’t deserve it from you.

“I’m not going to deny it… part of me did want to punish you for how you were treating me,” he admitted. “I took away the thing that meant most to you and I’m not going to regret that. It’s rather tiresome that you treating me like shit seems to be less of an issue for you than me beating you in a singing contest. And you hardly seemed too concerned that I was possibly throwing my credibility away when you accepted the challenge. I don’t even think you considered that.”

The young woman flushed in embarrassment and Kurt knew that she had barely considered just how all of this had affected him.

“And that little comment you threw at me about making a great Fanny? I get that you’re upset about losing since you can’t ever show an iota of grace when someone fairly beats you at anything, but that was really out of line. I deal with enough crap for not being masculine enough without having you telling me that I should be playing a woman’s part.”

Rachel had the good grace to look sheepish. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she said softly. “It’s just… I knew you are such a great performer. I guess I was just trying to tell you that you are better than me.”

Kurt stared at her, trying to pin down what exactly what she meant and not really liking what he was coming up with. Rachel was quite skilled at deflecting and this was one time when he needed to make it clear that he wasn’t going to play her game.

“I think that it was more of trying to make me feel badly for beating you,” he said flatly, refusing to be manipulated. “The whole thing, with you moping around like you life was over… that was all about making me feel guilty about taking you on.

“Yes, I know that you are genuinely upset,” he granted at her protest. “But let’s be real here. It’s not like you don’t do this all the time. When I got my NYADA finalist letter before you, I barely had a chance to enjoy the fact that I was actually being considered because I had to console you over not getting yours as quickly. And when I absolutely killed my audition, could I actually be proud of what I did? Nope, because you needed to be comforted over blowing yours. But what happened when you got accepted and I didn’t? I had to be supportive of you and tell you that I wasn’t upset so that I didn’t spoil your achievement.”

He walked past her to look out her window, wondering why this was just so damn hard. “Honestly, it’s been exhausting trying to keep rationalizing why we’re friends. I do love you Rachel, and when you want to, you really can be a wonderful person. But it’s just getting harder and harder to excuse all the times when you can’t see past your own wants.”

“So what happens now?” she asked softly, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. Having so many harsh truths leveled at her so quickly had clearly taken a toll.

He shrugged. “I’m not really sure. Part of me thinks that this just isn’t worth it anymore. We’ve been through a lot together, but it’s been feeling more and more like this friendship is a one way street. I need to focus on myself for awhile, and what I need to do to get to my goals. Not spend all my energy trying to fix things for you all the time.”

“Kurt, please…” Rachel sobbed, finally realizing that she had pushed him too far and that the damage might not be able to be undone.

He inhaled deeply and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m probably making a mistake, but we’ve got a lot invested in this relationship. So for now… I want to give you another chance,” Kurt granted.

She looked up at him hopefully, a small relieved smile gracing her face.

“But that doesn’t mean that I will tolerate things slipping back into the old patterns,” he warned. “Things are going to have to change. I won’t stand being treated like this again.”

“I promise! I won’t let it happen,” she swore, rushing up to hug him. “I’m so sorry! I know I’ve been a terrible friend, but I promise that will change.”

“I hope so,” Kurt said sincerely, letting himself lean into her embrace. He wanted this to work so badly.

“But I’m serious, Rachel. This kind of thing has to stop. Because I cared enough that I’m still here for you. Your little friends who were so quick to compliment you… they vanished awfully fast once you no longer were on top of the heap. Keep that in mind before you let your ego and some empty flattery get the better of you,” he reminded her. He hoped that he would remember this, otherwise she risked facing her entire working career without a single genuine friend to her name.

She nodded and squeezed him tighter, happy just to have him back as her friend.

“Did you go to the Funny Girl auditions?” Rachel asked tentatively.

Kurt shook his head. “No. I thought about it, but I’m really not ready,” he admitted. “I have a lot of learn so rushing into auditions now, I think, would be a mistake. What about you?”

She shook her head. “After the other night… I guess I was just too busy feeling sorry for myself to sign up.”

Why wasn’t he surprised, Kurt wondered.

“Well, if you go there today, they might still have some slots left,” he advised carefully.

She cocked her head and wrapped her arms about herself. “I was thinking… maybe we’d go there together. You know… to support one another,” she suggested.

“No, I don’t think so,” Kurt said firmly, refusing to be reeled into her plans. “I’m really not interested in trying to audition for anything now. Besides, the only part that I’d be good for right now is Eddie Ryan and it’s not a role that I’d be willing to give up school for. But you should go down and try out.”

She shifted from foot to foot, trying to figure out how to coax him into going along. “Sure you don’t want to come along?” she asked. “I really need your support in something like this.”

Kurt knew that she could use him, emphasis on “use”. And while he was willing to forgive her, he wasn’t going to slip back into the cheerleader role that she clearly was expecting him to. No, he was going to nip this in the bud. Otherwise they’d be right back to where they started, with him doing all the giving and her taking until there was nothing left.

“You don’t need me there,” he insisted. “You should ask Brody to go with you. He owes you after the Magic Mike auditions.”

Rachel’s expression slipped into a pout, not happy that he wasn’t going along but Kurt was determined that things between them were going to change. There was going to be no more going along with whatever she wanted just to keep the peace. And if the peace fell apart… well, it wouldn’t be because he didn’t make the effort.

Kurt finally stepped back and away from her. “I’ve got to go. I’m meeting Adam for dinner.”

Rachel cocked her head curiously. “You’ve been seeing a lot of him,” she commented gently. “It looks like you’re getting serious.”

Kurt nodded. “We’re taking it slow but… yeah, it’s starting to get there.”

Rachel smiled softly. “He seems really good for you. I mean… I haven’t seen you this happy since you broke up with Blaine.”

The mention of his ex never failed to cause his stomach to clench painfully. Kurt wondered if he’d ever really let go of the hurt and anger he felt over Blaine’s infidelity.

“He is good for me,” Kurt admitted without reservation. “And the best part is that I don’t feel like I’m always in competition with him.”

“Kurt, Blaine loves you,” Rachel insisted. “I mean, I know that he’s not always easy, but…”

“He’s too much like you,” Kurt stated. It had become abundantly clear in the past weeks just why his relationship with both Blaine and Rachel was so difficult at times. “He’s not as overt about it as you are, but he has to be the center of the universe. And if that means me relegated to being a supporting player, well, he’s doesn’t seem to have any problems with that.

“But I don’t get that with Adam,” Kurt explained. “It’s kind of nice to be with someone who’s confident in himself, but still supports me. I don’t get that too often.”

Rachel fell silent, thankfully recognizing the criticism in Kurt’s word were leveled as much against her as they were against Blaine. Anxious to defuse the tension between them, she forced a small joke.

“Well, at least you don’t have to worry about me cheating on you,” she offered with a tentative smile.

Kurt chuckled, shaking his head. “Thank God for small favors,” he answered. Rachel was trying. He’d take that for now.

* * *

Kurt darted down the hall to the rehearsal stage, knowing that he was really late. His dance class ran over because Ms. July was not satisfied with their progress in learning the jazz routine she’d choreographed and he barely had a chance to wash up before running to meet the rest of the group.

He dropped his coat and messenger back on the pile where the others had stowed their belongs and hurried to join the rest of the group.

“Sorry I’m late,” he apologized. “Ms. July was on a tear again.”

“No worries, love,” Adam assured him, giving Kurt a quick peck on the cheek. “We were just discussing a few numbers that we’d like to try out. Mags here seems to think we’ve been neglecting the hard rock genre and we’re going to play around with a few arrangements.”

“Sounds like fun,” Kurt agreed, returning Mag’s knowing grin. “What do you have in mind?”

The rest of the afternoon was spent making a lot of noise and working out arrangements. With all the bodies in the room, they had no problem achieving the volume. Getting it to sound cohesive and workable was a bit more of a challenge.

They were working with a My Chemical Romance song which fit exactly with how the Apples liked to play with music. Taking a song and totally reworking the genre, and the matching of classic Bob Dylan lyrics to screaming punk fit the bill. Kurt was paired with Mei for the second duet set and they joined hands as they stepped to the front of the group.

“ _'Cinderella, she seems to easy_ ,” Mei sang, “ _’Well, it takes one to know one,’ she smiles. And she puts her hand in her back pockets Bette Davis style._ ”

“ _Now but in comes Romeo moaning_ ,” Kurt joined in, a carefully measured dose of grit coloring his normally impeccably clean vocals. He caught Mei and lifted her onto his hip, swinging her around. “ _’You belong to me I believe’ And someone says ‘You’re in the wrong place, my friend. You better leave.’_ ”

“ _And the only sounds that’s left, after the ambulances go_ ,” the rest of the group joined in. “ _Is Cinderella sweeping up on Desolation Row!_ ”

They were having fun, playing around with the lyrics and different combinations of voices and they seemed to be making some real progress when Adam called a halt for the day.

“That sounded brilliant!” he exclaimed. “I think we’re on to something here. Great job, everyone. We’ll work on this some more on Thursday.”

The Apples were happy and laughing as they began to disperse and head their separate ways. Kurt waited for everyone else to leave before coming up to his boyfriend and pulling him into a tight hug.

“Well, hello there,” Adam chuckled. He kissed Kurt warmly.

“Hi,” Kurt said softly, smiling as he savored the feel of Adam’s warm body against his.

“You seem to be in a much better mood,” Adam noted. “Things better with Rachel?”

“For now,” Kurt acknowledged. “We’ll see how things go, but she is trying.”

“I’m glad, love. I know that this has been hard for you.”

Kurt shrugged and leaned into Adam’s warmth. “It was, but I think it was worthwhile. It’s long overdue, but I needed to make a stand for myself. “

Adam nodded, wrapped his arm about Kurt’s shoulders and leading him towards their belongings. “So long as you’re okay, love. That’s all that matters.”

Kurt smiled and insisted “I really am. It took me a little while, but I think that I really have some things figured out now.”

“Yeah?” Adam said, nuzzling Kurt’s temple and enjoying the scent of his shampoo.

Kurt bit back a giggle at the affectionate caress from his boyfriend. “Yeah… I feel… lighter. Like I just had a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I think that I’ve finally figured out that I can be a supportive friend, or boyfriend, without sacrificing everything all the time.”

He looked up at Adam, seeing the gentle caring in Adam’s beautiful eyes. “Does that make sense?” he asked.

The older man nodded. “Most definitely. And I’m glad that you and Rachel settled things. I know how much this weighed on you.”

“Well, no more,” Kurt vowed, snatching up his messenger bag. “I’m free as a bird! And right now, what I want is to take my gorgeous piece of Englishman out to show him how much I appreciate what you’ve done for me the past few days. I know that you didn’t sign on to deal with all my drama.”

“Hey…” Adam protested gently. “You are so worth it. And standing by you? That was hardly a burden.”

Kurt took Adam’s hand in his and the walked out of the auditorium and towards the doors. It was still early enough in the afternoon that neither of them was eager for the day to end. A stop at the café for an spot of tea would be the perfect way to ease into evening.

“I was going to ask you something,” Kurt began as they settled down at their table. “And you are under no obligation to say yes if you don’t want to.”

Adam cocked his head curiously as he set down a plate of cookies for them to share. “I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” he claimed.

Kurt inhaled, knowing that with this question he was making a significant move forward in his relationship with this amazing man. “Do you have anything serious in mind for spring break?” It was still a few weeks away and neither of them had really discussed any plans.

Adam took a bite of his cookie and shook his head. “Just some school work.”

Kurt inhaled, steadying his nerves. “I have to head home for a few days. My old choir teacher is getting married and he’s invited our whole group. We’re kind of making it a post-graduation reunion. My invitation allows for a ‘plus one’ and I was thinking… maybe you could come with me.”

He looked up at Adam. “You could meet my dad. I’ve been telling him all about you. And I can introduce you to all my friends. But I totally understand if you can’t. I mean, I just…” He felt himself blushing furiously, hoping that he wasn’t trying to push Adam into more than the older man was willing to do at this point.

The brightness in Adam’s smile quickly alleviated that fear. “That sounds brilliant,” Adam exclaimed. “I’d love to go with you. I’ve never been to any of the landlocked states, so this will be an adventure!”

The relief Kurt felt was making him a bit lightheaded. “That’s great. I’ve already checked airfares and we can get cheap flights. And we’ll be staying at my house so it won’t cost us anything.”

Adam just reached out to take Kurt’s hand “Sweetheart, it will be fine. In the meantime, you’ll have to tell me more about your friends and family. Because I can’t wait to meet them all.”

Kurt found himself speechless. How was he so lucky to have found this wonderful, generous man. Who gave so unstintingly and seemed to always know just what Kurt needed to hear. “I’m… I’m so glad,” Kurt said, feeling the start of tears. It’s been so long since he’s had someone… anyone… in his life who wanted to care about him like this.

He knew that he was taking a risk with what he wanted to say next. Because he’s misread the affections of others before. But he needed to get this out, to make things between them clear before they waded into the morass of all his other complex relationships.

“Adam… I wanted to tell you that I’m absolutely crazy about you,” he said softly. “You’ve been so wonderful to me, and shown me things that I never thought that I should want or expect. When we go home… let’s just say that some people there will be difficult to deal with.”

“Like your ex?” Adam asked gently, taking Kurt’s hand in his.

Kurt inhaled and nodded. “Things with Blaine… well, they’re complicated. But not for the reasons you think,” he clarified when he saw Adam’s worried expression. “Believe it or not, these past few days made a lot of things really clear to me. Not just about Rachel, but how my relationship with Blaine turned out. And what I tolerated in order to keep that relationship.”

He gave Adam’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I can’t go back to that. And I won’t. Blaine and I are over and I’m not going back there again. I guess… what I’m trying to say is that when we go to Lima, I want you there as my boyfriend. I just wanted that to be clear.”

Adam’s worried expression vanished and his smile was like sunlight emerging from behind a raincloud. “That makes me very happy, sweetheart,” he assured Kurt. “I didn’t want to pressure you about that, because I know how much your breakup with Blaine hurt.”

Kurt nodded. “It did. I didn’t think I’d ever really get past just how much he hurt me. That he would abuse my trust after all I was willing to give up for him. But it wasn’t enough for him and I realized that with him, I never could give enough. And I just can’t do that anymore.”

He turned a warm smile to Adam. “You don’t ask that of me. And you’ve shown so much support and caring for me and I don’t think I can ever express how much that means to me. I just wanted you to know that I’m taking this… us… very seriously. “

“That makes me very happy, love,” Adam said gently. “Because I’ve been ass over tea kettle for you since the moment I first saw you.”

“Good,” Kurt said agreeably, popping a piece of cookie into his mouth. “Just glad that we’re on the same page.”

“Undoubtedly, sweetheart.” Adam sat back in his seat and was absolutely beaming.

“So… since we are now officially ‘boyfriends’, can I entice you to stay over at my place tonight?” Adam asked.

Kurt smiled and sipped at his cup. “I was thinking of having you come to my place,” he offered. “We can check out some flights and can start prepping you for meeting my father. I can make us dinner.”

“That sounds absolutely lovely,” Adam agreed.

Kurt’s smile then took on a decidedly wicked element. “And then we can very loud, official ‘boyfriend’ sex.”

Adam nearly choked on his tea. “Darling, that sounds splendid…” he offered. “But don’t you have nothing but a curtain blocking your bedroom? Won’t that disturb Rachel?”

Kurt shrugged. “Oh, I’m sure that that it will.”

“But, I thought that you’ve forgiven her?” Adam questioned.

“I have,” Kurt insisted. “But after being kept awake by Rachel, Brody and their mating whale songs for the past few weeks… let’s just say that I’m not quite done punishing her.”

As they walked towards the subway, Kurt felt a new spring in his step. Like the need to dance and sing to proclaim to the world this new happiness. He’d made his choices and knew that the path he’d chosen would be as bright as the smile that Adam gave him every time their eyes met.


End file.
